i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
