drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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