in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
