i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
