You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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