not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
