i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
