The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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