checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
