I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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