Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
