How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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