ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
