Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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