hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
