i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
