Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
