i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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