U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
