oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
