Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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