i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Come see our sink grown plant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
