I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
