I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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