I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He felt like a one man threesome
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
