Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
