if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
