I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
