my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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