I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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