watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The uberlube is also flammable
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
