Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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