you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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