Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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