and i looked up. we had an audience...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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