he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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