Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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