nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
