Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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