We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
