Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
