There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
