that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
