i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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