booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
