nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
