It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
