My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
