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Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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