i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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