There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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