So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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