On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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