I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
