Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
