I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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