If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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