My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
