I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
