he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
