I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
