Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
