Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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