giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
